The more we love someone, the more they have the ability to touch our hearts. The most difficult experiences we have in life are often centered around our most beloved children and grandchildren. There aren’t always quick answers to drawing our loved ones back from the lies of the world. Below are some suggestions that have been used by others in the same situation to help both their loved ones, and to help them through the trying experience while maintaining their faith in God.
Suggestion 1: Remind yourself that they are still growing. College age young people may consider themselves adults, but in many important ways, they are still developing. They often question, even rebel against, the beliefs of their parents and grandparents, despite how they might have been raised. Scientific research suggests that a person’s brain doesn’t fully develop until ages 25-30. Just because your grandchildren have been taught errors, and perhaps even believe them now, doesn’t mean that as they mature and grow, they will always believe errors as they do today. As they mature, many young people begin to see the value in what their parents and grandparents taught them and the hollowness of the errors of the world.
Suggestion 2: Don’t confront them about their beliefs, but don’t avoid giving your viewpoint when asked. Take the opportunities as they arise to remind them of what you believe and why you believe it. If you base your life and beliefs on the Bible and God’s word, have answers rehearsed in your head that explain why you believe that some of the things they are being taught are contrary to God’s word. 1 Peter 3:15 reminds us of the importance of being prepared to explain the reason for our faith. Direct confrontation can lead to the other person becoming defensive, even hostile, to the message you are trying to send, especially if they feel passionate about their belief at the time. That hostility can cause the opposite effect of leading them to entrench themselves in their error even more. Remind them of your belief in the Bible as the source of truth in your life as you have opportunity, and just as importantly, although not supporting their errors, continue to show that you love them and care about them.
Suggestion 3: Be an example. Show that you not only understand God’s word, but that you live it in your heart and actions. By doing so, you provide them with living proof of the effect of God’s word in a person’s life, while at the same time staying true to your beliefs in God. You may never know the effect of that a stable, faithful example may ultimately have on them. As the fire of their youth subsides and they begin to truly mature, they may grow to see the falsity in the lies they were once taught. They may well then look back at your example and see the beauty and truth of God’s reflection in your life and be drawn back to God. Jesus taught this when he told his followers that their light should not be hidden under a bushel but should be held high to light the house (Matthew 5:15-16).
Suggestion 4: Don’t be afraid or ashamed to talk to other parents or grandparents about your experiences; not to criticize your grandchildren, but to help you understand that you are not alone in what you’re experiencing. Sometimes others may have helpful advice. Sometimes it’s enough to feel heard and understood even when there is no advice given. Parents or grandparents can sometimes be hesitant in talking to their brethren in Christ about the trial they are in for fear of judgement from their brethren. The situation with your grandchildren does not automatically mean you or their parents did a poor job in raising them to know God’s truth. True brethren in Christ are provided by God as comforts and encouragements to us. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to seek comfort from our brethren in Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:13 also reminds us that the experiences which God permits to happen to us are “common to man,” meaning that others are sharing the same kinds of experiences as we may be having, and in that sharing of experiences comes comfort and understanding. If you meet with a group of other Christians for worship, consider if it’s appropriate to talk about the matter with a close friend or to ask advice from one of your group’s leaders who may have some background with your family and understand the particular situation you are in.
Suggestion 5: Trust in God and in prayer. Consider whether it’s more appropriate to pray for the situation to change in the way you want it versus praying for wisdom, understanding, patience and guidance. Often times, the latter is the approach God is pleased for us to take. Handing over the things we hold most precious to us can be the hardest thing to do. Pray for God to show you His will in this matter. The answer may be slow in coming, but when we pray in accordance with God’s will, He will answer us. Finally, after doing all you feel you can in accordance to what you feel God would have you do, consider whether it’s time to tell God, in prayer, that you leave this matter in His hands. Jesus accepted God’s will completely in his life. He expressed this acceptance with his words “the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?” (John 18:11). Ephesians 6:13 reminds us that “having done all” we are to “stand.” Provide God with evidence of your faith in Him and His overruling, even when the situation you’re in grieves your heart. God is always pleased with demonstrations of our faith in Him.
Suggestion 6: Even when all else fails, have faith in God’s plan. Remember that even if your grandsons drift away from the things they were taught, the day will certainly, positively, unchangeably come when the true knowledge of God and His word will flow across all of mankind like a crystal river (Revelation 22:1). Even if your grandchildren do drift away from God for a time, the foundation knowledge about Him and His plan and the example you set as one who loves and follows God may be remembered by them and make their future restitution that much easier. Take comfort in the sure knowledge that God has all things well in hand.
Remember Paul’s words in Hebrews 10:23-24 as a last suggestion: “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering [for you – continue to be an example; remind your grandchildren of the truth of God’s word as you find opportunity]; for he is faithful that promised; and let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works [never give up that your example will be one day noticed and remembered by those who you clearly love so dearly].”
