Several Scriptures provide guidelines as to the importance of studying God’s word and how to fellowship about it. 2 Timothy 2:15, "Study to show thyself approved unto God…rightly dividing the word of truth." When people have different understandings, it is always a good idea to prepare with personal study before discussing a matter. We should use Scriptures to back up our ideas. We should use reason and be reasonable as Isaiah 1:18 says, "Come now, and let us reason together, says the LORD." The Apostle Peter says we should "…be ready always to give an answer to every man that asks you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness…," 1 Peter 3:15. Because we have studied, we can be calm and settled in our mind so that we can speak calmly. Finally, Colossians 4:6 says "Let your speech be always with grace…that you may know how you should answer every man."
All of these Scriptures give wise advice because when we are calm, the other person is better able to hear what we are saying. Arguing and strife are tools of the wicked. We should approach a discussion more like a lawyer who gives evidence rather than a judge who makes a final determination. It is always good to use the principles of "active listening" which tell us to be sincerely interested in what the other person is talking about; restate what the person said; ask them to explain something we don't understand. We should be open to the possibility that the other person has an understanding that will help us.
On the other hand, perhaps there is a problem when one person correctly understands a Scripture to be absolute – for example, in a matter of morality. In this case the person should not compromise his understanding or belief for the sake of peace. Ephesians 4:14 puts it this way, "…we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every change of wind of doctrine, by clever, crafty men who use tricks to invent errors to mislead others." We are together trying to get wisdom from God. "But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy," James 3:17. Our goal in all discussions of Scripture should be to work toward harmony with the person even if we can't reach harmony of understanding. In that way we will bring glory to God in what we are doing.
