We appreciate this question very much and are sorry you feel so much longing and sadness. The desires of the heart can be a long and painful trial for so many of us. The heart wants what the heart wants, but a big part of being faithful to God is allowing His will to be done and not our own, without complaining that we have a better way.
Our Lord Jesus could have easily decided his doing God’s will was too hard or less than ideal in some way. He could have taken a break, gotten married, had some children and changed the course of history.
He let the Father know his preference and then ended his prayer with Luke 22:42, saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. Also see Matthew 26:39-42. It is interesting to see a progression from reading the full account. He prays, first asking for this cup of experience to pass from him “if it is possible.” He then shows acceptance but still questions. He moves beyond acceptance to embracing, and his attitude will soon blend into complete trust.
We strongly caution against comparing what we have to those around us, especially those who are actively sinning. Longing for what they have and demanding from God that we have it too or else we cannot be happy is not the right attitude. Not only is it not God-honoring and is insulting for all the many blessings He has given us, but it will only make us grow deeper resentment and bitterness. Satan loves to find this spirit in our hearts and can capitalize on it by having us focus on all we don’t have that others seemingly do.
The Apostle Paul speaks of the virtues of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35: I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Although marriage and children are wonderful gifts from God, not everyone experiences them firsthand. Obviously, being married does not assure happiness or contentment. Marriage has its challenges just as being single has its challenges. It is the same with parenthood. Christian happiness is not contingent upon marriage or singleness, or on becoming a parent. Happiness and contentment come from within regardless of your situation. The Apostle Paul tells us, For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13
For the Christian, both marriage and singleness are spiritual gifts from God. The point of spiritual gifts is to serve the Lord with joy for as long as God permits. In singleness, choose to focus on serving God for the indefinite future and let the question of marriage take care of itself, if and when God sees the time is right for you. We always want to pray with acquiescence to the will of God in all circumstances.
Additional Resources:
Christian Questions Podcast
Episode #1014: “Christian and Single – What Does Life Look Life?”
Being single and living a powerful and passionate Christian life!
Preview Video
CQ Rewind Show Notes
Episode #1307: “Is There a Christian Secret to a Happy Life?”
Finding biblical clues for living a life of Christian happiness
Preview Video
CQ Rewind Show Notes
